escaping God

I remember being five and hiding under my blankets and thinking, "God can't see me here. Nobody can see me." I knew this probably couldn't be true, but I remember even then wanting privacy. The bigness of God is frightening if we really consider the reality of it. And for that reason, I suppose it is no wonder we wouldn't try to run, even if it might be in vain. Even if we know it is in vain. Just as much as it can be frightening, it can be comforting too, and overwhelming if we realize the immensity of all that power and love turned toward us. It is willing turned toward us.

I used to think God was basically displeased with me, and with humanity. I think I was sold a human idea of God. Maybe it was a doctrine based on keeping people in line. If behavior modification is what religion is for, then it's nonsense. But I don't believe that's it. If God is Creator, then "he" knows all about us. "He" is acquainted with our instinct to run off, and still loves us. Just like I love my daughter and son, despite their less than wonderful actions sometimes. And I imagine God is much better at patience than me. God does epitomize all of my ideals of perfection, and hold in "himself" the capability to love without end and bounds, seeing and knowing all. There is always someone to come home to. That home is begins with awareness, that God will/does abide within.